for the birds

Have you ever danced with the devil...

I have a few enemies. Yes - I know, hard to believe.. how could anyone Not like me? At any rate... they exist and although most of them lurk around in lands far far away.. there are a few close at hand. I'm not going to lie.. some of these monsters are of my own creation... but others—well they are just simply out for blood. For example, I had to do a double take the other day while driving through Southampton Village... There he was... the large beast of an enemy walking up Job's Lane... chills... the top of my avoidance list. I had to go around the block again in stealth mode -- only to catch him oozing his slime all over Main Street. He did not look good.... old, gray, mad, mean, unhappy and probably unhealthy... which brings me to the point of this little rant... hating people -- is it really worth the effort?

Hating feels terrible. It eats away causing fear and bad behavior, even more meanness... It's a huge heavy load of feelings... UGH... feelings. Hating requires energy and skill. Notice how clumsy people are usually not haters. Hating requires planning and mapping out intentions—all while peering through the eye on the back of your head.. Never sit with your back to the door. It's all rather stressful and time consuming... you know, running that evil empire that was created by you in your own head. Can't we just give Peace a Chance? To be hated... well that feels pretty much the same way, but there is a shame factor that I can't seem to figure out.

When I think about this person, and the trials and tribulations that occurred -- thus causing enemy status on both sides... I still have anger. I'm not ready to forgive... I probably never will be, and to boot -- he never will either... However, having given the goosebumps a few days to settle... I can report that after catching a glimpse, some of the dread has lifted -- things are feeling a little bit lighter.

Agent M.

I was going to write a post today about how boring Royal Pains is turning out to be.... it doesn't even look like it was filmed here [in the Hamptons]... And, sadly, the role of Brother is becoming annoying..... Instead, I am going to dedicate this for the birds, daily observation to a man of passion... Michael Jackson.

Yes - I know that everyone is doing it. But I have to admit that this passing knocked me down.... The first celebrity death to actually bring tears to my eyes. Now there are discrepancies... did he die at 2:30 or 5:30? Or is the media unaware of a 3 hour time difference between coasts? Is there any possibility that he's just hanging out with Elvis somewhere? Maybe he just became so sick of everyone making fun of his bizarre life -- just wanted everyone to leave him alone... what's wrong with daily doses of plastic surgery, armbands and putty like skin? Maybe that's just how he liked it. LEAVE ME ALONE MAN! Don't know what to Be so BEAT IT!

Growing up with Michael Jackson posters on my walls. Thriller being one of the first albums I ever owned (despite a massive and rather bizarre crush on Eddie Van Halen) and dancing with my sister Annie [ are you Okay, are you Okay Annie?!]... Pretending to be zombies. The Moon Walk. Hours and days of fun. He was cool. Very cool. And although he became -- let's just say odd, he still continued to influence and create... 

Now the media is not going to let this go. It's just all too juicy and weird. It's going to get nasty.... things are going to be revealed and regular people -- you know, like the ones portrayed on Royal Pains -- are going to have to absorb every gooey detail and dissection of this man's life. Let's just all keep in mind that he was the one... the one that wanted to rock with you (all night)... just burnin that disco out. Just another man in the mirror... ok, I'll stop.

And why am I up at this unGodly hour?

Well...
I didn't get everything I needed done yesterday completed...
Rumor has it that the sun is coming...
My ears were burning with a feature on... Designing Moms...

But the real reason I am up is that I had a nightmare. Not a good start to the day... but this one was so realistic that it woke me out of slumber and led me here to the keyboard. A few months ago I was hired via email to design a logo. Not a stretch for me.. although this client seemed obscure and would only communicate via email due to traveling. I took the project, beyond my better judgement—seemed interesting and I had received payment. It wasn't until the deposit check bounced and phone calls were made that I found out that the individual was actually 1) a former somewhat disgruntled client from about 3 years ago, that was 2) pretending to be someone else that 3) was trying to pay me with his former employer's information on a bogus check and 4) was actually in East Hampton—emailing me from a fake name with a gmail account. Knowing all this, it was sugested that I go to the police and file a report... but I took another route and decided to forget about it... Obviously, this man is insanely deranged and disturbed on many levels... call it Designer Stalking? The Hamptons are a small community and I can do without the drama...

The problem is... Yesterday his name popped up in a Tweet invitation to a networking event from another associate... And he's attending. Creeped out? Now what..... Hence the nightmare that haunted my early morning sleep. I won't go into details on the dream because they are becoming foggy [thank goodness].

But why, Oh why do I attract these people?

 

Marco... Polo...

Today is the first day of Summer.... I know it doesn't feel very summery (here in Southampton at least) but let's not cry about it... it can't stay gloom and doom forever.  Admittedly... I voodooed several anti-rain dances last night...

Did you know that the sun is actually further away from us this time of year than it is in December? A common misconception... especially in the Hamptons where people flock to the beaches on this day to be as close to the sun as possible... But, I bet you knew that once...probably in elementary school before micromanaging and multitasking away the braincells. Rejoice! Summer Solstice, for all you druids out there... the sun is as North as North can get. Tomorrow begins the dreaded moonwalk towards the tropic of cancer... hopefully the sun will join us along the way.

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In a World Gone Mad...

When is something really great going to happen? Good things happen all the time... I am talking about something REALLY REALLY awesome. Like— World Peace, fair elections world-wide... a cure for childhood food allergies and melting icebergs. At the moment, I'd even settle for some sunshine. A small idea.. constant new television shows... no more repeats (unless you DVR them)... constant new entertainment. Or how about ... Money. It would be really really great if I had some. I was actually driving the other day when it hit me that if something really great happened—would I know how to react? I know I sound depressed... which I'm not—I'm actually quite content...The world has me a little worried though. 

I've brought up this point many times before... Maybe we all need to start acting super positive. Like this guy. Or perhaps we have to create our own great thing. Like... that time machine that we've been working on. If we finish it then we can go back in time to fix everything that is currently broken—Thus ensuring current peace and harmony. Now if I could just get enough plutonium to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of power....

My Happiness Project [ part three ]

"And so I have to learn
to swim inside my dreams
in case the sea should come
and visit me in my sleep.
And if that happens, all will be well,
and when tomorrow stirs
on the wet stones, the sand
and the great resounding sway of sea
will know who I am and why I return...."
— Strangers on the Shore,
Neruda,
by Pablo Neruda

These peonies were beautiful.

 

How do you do it all?

Simply answered... I don't.

This question was posted on Mamapedia recently and as I read through the answers and updates, it seems that the only people can do it all are those with no responsibilities. And why should Moms, Dads—any caregiver feel that they have to do it all? This particular post is in regards to house cleaning... which I am not very good at to begin with. Terrible. So bad, in fact, that I hire people to come in and attack every once in a while. I find that it is the only way for the dust, dog hair and other assorted yucks to be taken care of.... While this may sound like a grandeous luxury, its actually quite affordable and allows for us to work|exercise|play|cook|eat|live|breathe|relax —all while streaming funds back into our defunct economy.

I suppose it comes down to the lesser of a few evils. Family first—obviously... but health is part of that first and living among out-to-get-you germs and mites [hello bed bugs visiting from NYC]—Not to mention unnoticed crumbs from my 18 month old's cookie acting as a mouse invitation... No—Clean must be a must and if you can't do it on your own, outside help is worth every cent. 

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Yep, People Often Create Headaches.

EVOO. There it is.
LOL - lots of laughs or laugh out loud?
BFF, my favorite. Or MNBFF.
Rachel Ray coined EVOO... and the scholars that build dictionaries actually gave her a slot. I want to make up a word. Last week on my birthday, my sister Kate [who is the coolest] texted me "HB". My heart floweth over...."TY". My Mom asked me the other day—what is YPOCH? It had landed at the end of an email... like "Thanks" or "Talk to you soon".

"You Probably Only Change Hourly"
"Yes, Peace Out Chubaca Head"
"Your Place On Culinary Happenstance"
"Yesterday's Paper Offers Chinese Heaven"
"Yep, People Often Create Headaches"
................YPOCH.

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Stay Visible.

Towards the end of April, there was a  segment was on the news about Slow Down London. A group of people... with time on their hands, decided to walk as slow as possible across Waterloo. This "Big Slow Walk" was in an effort to get people to slow down—take a while to circumvent and relish. It was hilarious. Not only did the crazy Londoners look like a bunch of you-know-whats... walking heel to toe as slow as possible—like zombies.. But they were really ticking off everyone else... you know, the normal people that were trying to busily cross the bridge. People were speeding by in cars shouting to speed up—throwing things at the zombies.. Craziness. I laughed and laughed... shook my head—but I didn't miss the point (as I ran off to do 12 things at once). You can see for yourself, here.

Now, a few months later... as people seem to be very busy doing ... well, very little, I found myself infuriated by just that... Busy accomplishing nothing. Twittering about. The thing is that if we all stay slowed down, nothing much is going to be accomplished... and although it is nice to stop and smell the roses—breathe in the salt encrusted air... don't we all have to lift ourselves out of the monotony and move on?

And now a word from our sponsor... (please click to enlarge)

 

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My Happiness Project [ part two ]

He picked up the half squished earthworm — still wriggling from whatever made it half squished... He looked from it to me and back again.

"Mama."

"No - that's a worm." 

 

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